Pee-Wee Politician

I try very hard to use The Ladies’ lives as a continual teaching moment.  When the opportunity arises I breakdown a situation and pull out pearls that can be used in the future of their lives.  Disappointment is tough and it’s even more difficult to use disappointment as a tool.  

Carlie was notified today that she did not win the Kid Governor position.  The disappointment and heart break are real and raw in our home tonight.  As her Momma, I want to wrap her up and let her cry it out.  I want to tell her she’s the loveliest child that ran and it’s their loss that they didn’t choose her.  But I know that will not benefit her in her life if I make excuses and fix this for her.  So, I’ll pick it apart and use it as a teachable moment and hopefully give her some insight for future disappointing moments. 

Last year when she ran for Kid Governor and didn’t win they notified her shortly after her video submission.  This year she was called in for a face to face interview.  We talked about how she has matured over the last year and likely last year wasn’t as confident.  How great that she was asked to come in for a face to face interview?!  Also, what can she learn from channeling that nervous energy and speaking so clearly to adults. I don’t want her to be disheartened by this set-back but I also do not want to dismiss her hurt feelings.  We talked about her being bummed out (over her favorite Starbucks drink) and we’ve given it a “deadline”.  We’re going to be bummed until Friday morning and then we will regroup and continue to chase her dreams. 

If you think about it say a little prayer for our favorite pee-wee Politician.  She is very hurt right now.  Thank you all for supporting her with your kind words!  I know I can count on you to continue to cheer for her political ambitions.

Beauty and the Beast

Disclaimer: this is my blog. These are my views.  I am not perfect.  I love my children deeply.

I loved the movie Beauty and the Beast as a child.  I mean come on!  The book worm, sassy mouthed, scrappy little Belle takes on a cranky old beast to save her Dad?!  What’s not to love? 

I started reading about the ‘uproar’ concerning the new Beauty and the Beast last week on Facebook and I couldn’t help but giggle!  Y’all people have straight up lost their minds over this movie (that they haven’t even seen).  I was blown away at the way some spoke to others.  Some were so passionate about not letting their children see the movie while others were a little more ho-hum toward the subject.  Listen, I don’t care if you see the movie or not.  I don’t care if you shelter your kids from gay people forever.  I don’t care if you sit atop your pedestal and judge others for taking (or not taking) their children to see the movie when it comes out. What I do care about it how we seem to lost our ability to see others as people.  My goodness how different our reality would be if we just loved people.  All people.  I get it you are knowingly aware of a gay person in a movie and you cannot bring yourself to let your kids watch the movie.  You know what’s best for your kids.  God has entrusted them to you so you do what’s best!  But pretending groups of people don’t exist will not make them go away.

I am overly honest with my girls.  They know all about the birds and the bees, the puberty, gay people, illegal people and gasp! Even democrats!  I know people who grew up in the bubbles their parents created for them and when the bubble popped it was catastrophic.  I don’t want that for my girls and we can all thank Adam that our bubbles pop.  I have always been age appropriately honest with my girls.  When my 4-year-old wanted to know how her baby sister got in my tummy I didn’t rock her world with words like sperm and eggs…duh!  Now that she’s nearly 13 we do talk like that.  I have created an environment with my daughters that they can talk openly with me.  They know there is nothing that is off limits with me.  In turn they are starting to learn discernment.  They know when something feels off to them.  Case in point:  I don’t tolerate foul language.  I also read my daughters text logs every day.  I know my daughter has friends who cuss.  I’ve read it.  Rather than go off and tell my daughter to find a new set of friends I have spoken with her and given her some ways she might let her friends know that she’d rather them not cuss in front of her or on her text log.  A funny thing happened…my daughter is respected enough by her friends that they just stopped cussing in front of her or when they text her. It wasn’t weird or mean it was just a conversation.  I have taught her to love…not pretend these people don’t exist.  Don’t read something I didn’t say.  Loving others does not ever translate to keeping yourself in a situation that is physically harmful. 

Truth be told I likely will not take my daughters to see Beauty and the Beast.  But not for the reason that has caused so many waves. I can’t afford tickets, popcorn, and pop for 5 people. (ha ha ha)  If they catch on to the idea that a character in the movie is gay, we’ll talk about it.  If they don’t we’ll still talk about it.

I can’t help but think that our pews could be as full as the movie theaters if we would just love…

Tale as old as time:

I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End. Rev 22:13

True as it can be

For we cannot do anything against the truth, but only for the truth. 2 Cor 13:8

Barely even friends

God the Father knew you and chose you long ago, and his Spirit has made you holy. As a result, you have obeyed him and have been cleansed by the blood of Jesus Christ. May God, give you more and more grace and peace. 1 Peter 1:2

Then somebody bends unexpectedly

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

Just a little change

because your heart was tender and you humbled yourself before God when you heard his words against this place and its inhabitants, and you have humbled yourself before me and have torn your clothes and wept before me, I also have heard you, declares the LORD. 2 Cor. 34:27

Small to say the least

          Let your change of heart be seen in your works: Matthew 3:8

Both a little scared

Why should you be like a scared man, as a mighty man who can't save? Yet you, LORD, are in the midst of us, and we are called by your name; do not leave us."
Neither one prepared.  Jer. 14:9

Beauty

          This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased. Matthew 3:17

and the beast

          Your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you. Isaiah 59:2

         

Pink Drink, say whaaatttt?

Only twice in my life have I ever wanted to kick a puppy.  Once, I burned my hand really bad on a cast iron skillet and the other when I feel my head may explode.  Come to think of it when I burned my hand I may have actually kicked a puppy, it’s hard to tell as I was dancing around my kitchen seemingly exercising the demons out of my soul.  The head exploding situation requires a little less puppy kicking and a little more strategy. 

If you’re like me you’ve heard all of the advice.  From sitting with your feet submerged in icy water to Botox and everything in between.  Some days I am more desperate than others in wanting to feel better and honestly until I felt better I didn’t know I felt so bad.  If it’s out there chances are I have tried it, well except the Botox, because I am skeerd of needles in my head.  I fought this physical battle for well over 18 months but I fought an internal battle every day.  There were days when my head felt like and F10 was blazing through (If you’re from Oklahoma you get that reference.  If you’re not from ‘round here, then imagine walking through a bedroom where the floor is full of Legos and rattlesnakes…that’s an F10 on the pain scale) and I couldn’t be the mom I wanted to be.  Days would pass and I couldn’t leave my bed!  My kids suffered, my husband suffered (he’s not very good a being a single dad) and my self-worth suffered.  I finally had a moment where I knew I had to make a change in my life. 

I reached out to my friend, Amy, who thankfully was gifted with humility and didn’t say “I told you so”.  She explained to me that nothing in life is a guarantee but I should at least give the Pink Drink a try.  At that point in my desperation I was willing to be a skeptical critic just so I could knock another ‘been there done that’ off my list.  I started my Plexus journey with my Pink Drink, Bio Cleanse and ProBio and doubt in my mind.  I didn’t feel an immediate change but I did notice subtle differences.  The very first thing I noticed was the decrease in my sugar cravings.  Thanks to my hysterectomy I have a new love affair with sweets.  Within about 2 weeks of starting I noticed I did not crave sugary drinks (that gut rotting diet pop) or 17 butter cookies before bed.  Secondly my sweet dreams came back.  Again, since my hysterectomy I have had trouble resting at night. 

It took about 2 and a half months before I realized that I didn’t have my ever-present achy companion in my head.  The day I realized that it was gone I text Amy in pure disbelief.  I asked if everyone felt, or rather DIDN’T have a nagging feeling behind their eyes every day?!  She giggled and said “I know girl. I’m so glad you gave Plexus a try”.  Since beginning my journey I have weathered one storm without having to go to bed for four days.  That my friends is a success in my book! 

Facts as they pertain to my journey:

Rest better at night

Losing inches

Maintaining weight

And the best part?! A little less F10 and a little more Olaf in Summer!!  

If you have any questions about the products I am taking please let me know.  I would love to chat!  

Santa's Cause

I am changed.  I have had children in my home who have come from horrific circumstances.  Some have stayed only a night; others a few weeks.  I know of needs in my community and try my best to meet them.  If I am not able to meet the needs I solicited the help of others.  I consider myself a giving person.  If I have it and you need it, you’re welcome to it.  I consider myself a fixer.  The Lord has blessed me with the gift of discernment.  I have been this way for as long as I can remember and discerning situations usually fulfills my need to fix situations.  Until tonight. 

The Banker and I took The Ladies to Santa’s Cause (look them up on Facebook: www.facebook.com/SantasCause) The concept is a simple one.  Grant the wishes of those who need a little help and some magic this Christmas.  They incorporate Santa and gift giving into the reason we celebrate.  All the glory goes to Him. 

The Banker dresses up as Santa and I his favorite elf.  We loaded up our car with toys and treats for 5 children and headed to their house.  When GOOGLE maps took me to this shed I was for sure we were lost.  I had The Banker check the address again.  The Tweenagers were looking on their phones to make sure I had the right location.  The shed was sketchy at best.  I’m not going to lie, I was scared to get out of my car.  The Ladies didn’t want me to go but something moved in my soul.  I heard “fear not. I am with you.”  Not one thing could have kept me in my car after that.  I knew we were in the place that the Lord needed us to be.  So, I got out and walked up to the makeshift door.  I knocked and a little girl answered.  I said “Hello!  I am Santa’s favorite elf.  Is your mom home?”  The little girl said yes and when she opened the door my life was changed.  I saw the plywood walls covered with duct tape and blankets.  The wood slat floor held a king size bed, a bunk bed, a futon, a TV, and a refrigerator.  The single room house had no running water, no central heat or air, and no bathroom. I had to find my words.  Santa’s favorite elf could not be speechless.  I told them I had been sent from the North Pole and I wanted to bring a special visitor in to meet them. 

I walked back to my car to get The Ladies and Santa out of the car.  I sat in my seat to compose myself.  My kids were dumbfounded at my speechlessness and The Banker looked at me with sadness in his eyes.  He knows that I am an incredibly composed person so it takes a great deal to shake me but I was moved. 

The door didn’t open wide enough for all of us to get inside.  There was not enough room for all 10 of us in the single room.  There was absolutely zero room for all the gifts we brought.  My family and I looked around at the poverty we were witnessing in our own backyard.  You guys, THIS WAS IN OKLAHOMA CITY!  My kids were taking cues from me and I kept the magic alive.  I was hopping and clapping and smiling and doing what elves do (despite being mentally exhausted from my Monday and real life) and I heard it again. That voice. “He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.  Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion.  But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.  They will soar high on wings like eagles.  They will run and not grow weary.  They will walk and not faint.” 

Every house (read: shed) had the same story.  The walls were not insulated, the floors were not stable, the water was not there and the children were hungry.  My family left and went to gather coats, hats and gloves for everyone.  We were able to deliver a second load of gifts to the neighbor kids along with cold weather gear. 

When we left, I wasn’t the only one speechless.  It took a good 5 minutes before anyone said anything and when they spoke it was out of love. They want to help and they want to know how and why basic needs aren’t being met.  For these questions, I have no answers but I do know the Lord used the Smith’s to change my life and the lives of my children.  The Bible tells us “I tell you whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine you did for me.”  But I can promise you the Smith’s did more for us than we did for them.  

Today I attended a breakout session called Making Poetry From Your Memories.  The assignment was to pull up a memory then pull 5 tangible items from that memory.  Once those 5 have been identified we were asked to add a few descriptive words to the words.  The following is the poem I created from a memory I had from an experience 7 years ago.  This is a different style of writing for me.  It is intimidating.  

The Zoo

Standing amidst the people

Busy, unaware people.

The handle in my hand

Worn and familiar.

Sipping the cool,

Smooth, sweet brew.

I hear the tone not knowing

The power and weight of the moment

She will not be. He is no more. 

The tone suddenly empathetic

Yet not comforting.

I am angry. Hurt.

The burden oppresses my former joy

I ponder the lost wonder.

The brew now bitter

Sharp, tart, and sour.

My grasp is ridged and strained.

The familiar is lost

Worn now seems damaged

Everything fell apart while I stood

Atop a stained and cracked floor.

On September 22nd, 2007 I received a phone call while I was at the zoo with Macy and Carlie that the baby I was carrying had stopped growing and had no heartbeat.  4 days later I miscarried our 3rd baby.  Lilly Pie is what I now know to be a Rainbow Baby.  She is the answer to my unanswered prayer.  She is everything I never knew my heart needed to heal.  She is the completion to our infertility story.  

When the Ladies were born I made a vow to the Lord that I would not take their childhood for granted.  I desperately wanted to be a stay at home mom and the Lord granted me what I asked of Him.  When #littlebit started school I wanted to get my degree and work outside my home.  And I did so.

I enjoy working.  My mind goes nonstop from the time I wake up until it finally crashes at night.  I swear I have an undiagnosed attention span disorder.  My first job after being a stay at home mom was in an insurance office.  I loved my time there.  Then, if you’ll remember with me, I took a job with Dad.  I spent about 6 months with Dad before I landed my dream job with the Midwest City Chamber of Commerce.  My Chamber job encompassed all of my passions!  I was out in the community I love, talking about places I like, with people I know.  It really cannot get better than that!  I had an office with a window and super fab decorations. But….

I realized, not too long ago, that I was missing things with The Ladies that I did not want to miss.  I was having to sacrifice cheering time at ball games.  I was having to rely on others to get them to all the places they needed to be.  I felt rushed and scattered all the time.  I spent about two days in deep conversations with Jesus and He again reminded me that they’re only with me for a short time then I have to send them out into the world and pray I have prepared them for success.  So I made a decision that I trust He will bless.  I quit my job. 

Taking that kind of faith jump is TERRIFYING!  I am trusting Him that He knows what He’s doing.  I have met with all the appropriate people (lawyers, CPA’s, bankers) and have a plan but I am still skeered.  I know I have made the right decision and I know that The Ladies will be the benefactors of such an unconventional decision, however, I am a little nervous.  I will still work only now I will office out of my kitchen.  I will have many plates still spinning but I get to set my own schedule.  I’ll be owner, manager, CEO, mom, maid, cook and taxi driver.  Stick with me and see where this adventure takes me.

And my new business name:  

W  A  N  N  A  B  E

         

           Enterprises, LLC

 Because I don't know what I wannabe professionally.  

A Presidential Campaign Loss

The hardest thing for me as a mother is knowing that the world will disappoint my child and there is not one thing I can do to stop it.  I consider myself to be a decently well rounded person (read: girl) who is rarely, outwardly affected by situations.  Contrary to what The Banker may tell you I am usually meticulous in my thought process and take my time before reacting to a situation. Until it comes to The Ladies.  Their hurts pierce my heart with such depth that I find it impossible to breathe.  In the moments where there are no words to bring comfort and all I can do I stand tall and physically hold her up I find out how devastating motherhood can be.  I pray a million prayers, silently over her, and hope that she never has to feel the pain she is feeling in this moment ever again.  All the while knowing that she will eventually be hurt by this world again. 

Today Carlie Bug stood before her student body and delivered her STUCO presidential speech.  Let’s just stop right there.  This child, all of 10, stood before 400 classmates and teachers and delivered a speech.  I know grown people who won’t do that.  For this I must applaud her.  She believed with all of her heart that she had prepared a speech that summed up her campaign.  She absolutely wants to make a difference in the lives of the teachers at her school.  When the ballots were counted she came up short.  She did not win the Student Council President spot.  Cue a broken hearted little girl. 

There is much to be learned from this day.  First of all, the outcome does not reflect the effort.  My girl put her heart and soul into this race and to some is may just be a 5^th grade student council race but to her it was everything she stands for.  She prayed blessing over herself and her friends while they ran.  Not to be selfish but that’s just who she is. Jesus, JFK and Momma.  That’s how she rolls.  If she desires something and she feels as though God has led her to that point she will ask for specific blessings.  Once we get passed the tears we will reflect on her drive and determination during this race.  It is admirable.  Secondly, failure in the eyes of man can often times be disguised as a blessing from Him.  With 100% certainty I can tell you I am not ready to preach the “blessings in disguise” sermon to my girl but having lived 35ish years I’ve learned a thing or two about unanswered prayers.  I know that this day is a building block, a stepping stone for her and we will be able to use the defeat as a tool … someday.  Lastly, we will continue to fine tune our grace toward others.  The wee person who won is a friend to Carlie.  There are NO hard feelings toward this wee person but overcoming disappointment and extending a congratulatory handshake, when you’re 10, is tough.  It is very hard to separate feelings at this age so we will start working on this tomorrow. 

Tonight we will just put on our best sleeping shirt, shed a few more tears and cry ourselves to sleep.